


Snakes Can't Fly

by BossPotato01



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders - Freeform, Logic | Logan Sanders - Freeform, Morality | Patton Sanders - Freeform, Prince Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, thomas sanders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22200223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BossPotato01/pseuds/BossPotato01
Summary: Hello readers! So this is a Sanders Sides angst fic about Deceit, primarily.  As you may come to see, if you choose the read this is that this story focuses on, (but is not limited to) the topic of suicide. If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call (sorry to those of you who don't live inside the United States, I do not know the proper emergency numbers for elsewhere) 911 or 1-800-273-8255, and remember you are loved! Everything will be ok! Have a wonderful day.(Note: this is also posted on my Wattpad Account under the same name)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	1. One

Deceit ran into his room, slamming the door closed behind him. He would have locked it, but why bother? It's not like anybody sought him out. It's not like anybody cared. Deceit ripped off his hat and Caplette, dropping them unceremoniously to the floor. He ripped off his gloves and threw them as hard as he could at the broken floor-to-ceiling mirror leaned against the wall. They made a soft smacking noise before falling to the floor, leaving Deceit with nothing but his reflection. He fell to his knees in front of the mirror, his head in his hands.

"Why am I treated like this?" He yelled at the reflection. "I never wanted to be the bad guy! I never asked to exist," his voice cracked, his whole body trembling in anger and tears. It had happened again. He had tried, so, so hard.

He just wanted to help Thomas. He was a part of Thomas, too, after all. Just as much as Patton, or Roman, or Logan, or Remus or... or Virgil. The name jarred him from his pain, replacing it with new, more complicated, and specific feelings. Virgil. They had been a team. Just Remus, Virgil, and him against the world. They were family. And if one Disney quote had stuck with Deceit from the many times he had been forced to see Lilo & Stitch, was that even though his 'family was little and broken, it was good. Yeah, still good.' or at least, it had been.

But not anymore. Virgil was gone. He was with the 'light' sides now. He was happy. He was loved. He was part of a 'famILY.' Even Remus was a part of this sort of club. He was Roman's brother, after all. He was no less of creativity than Roman and was considered amongst the more essential sides needed to function. But Deceit... I'm unwanted, he thought. I do nothing but harm Thomas, every time I try and help him in the only way I can. I... I'm worthless.

Deceit bit his tongue hard, hardly able to look at himself. I'm a freak. Why can't I look normal? I'm a monster. He had tried so many times to help. He had just returned from yet another failure. I can't take it anymore — no more faults. Thomas clearly doesn't want me. I'm only making it harder for him.

STOP. JUST STOP.

The world froze. Deceit's heart, which had been racing so loudly he was worried the next room could hear it, was suddenly calm. An overwhelming sort of numbness came over him. "I am going to kill myself." Deceit said, slowly speaking each word. He hugged his chest, closing his eyes tightly. I just can't do this anymore. He got up, his head spinning. Everything was numb. This new decision had brought some strange, blissful panic over Deceit. It'll all be over pretty soon. Let's not waste time, alright? He told himself, staggering over to his desk. He pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen and began to write.

Dear Sides and Thomas,

I'm a disgrace. I have tried so hard to fix your problems and fit in, Thomas. Just like the other sides. But they're all so... good at it. They make you, you. I'm Deceit. I'm rotten, and all my presence in your life has proven that I'm only hurting you. There's nothing for me here if I'm just a waste of space, some wretched fragment of your mind you clearly don't want. So, I guess I'm cutting myself out of the picture. 'Committing suicide,' if you'll let me be so blunt as the call it that.

I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time. You probably won't even see this until after I'm done, anyway, and even then, I don't think it'll matter to you. I know how much you hate me. Trust me, I hate myself just as much, if not more. But whatever, I just wanted to say goodbye to each of you.

Logan- I did enjoy discussing philosophy with you, even though it was always competitive. I trust in you to make sure nothing bad happens after I'm gone. You're the smart guy, after all. I have high hopes for Thomas, and I know you'll get him places I never could.

Roman- I wish we could have acted more together. You're a great person, and I say it with all intended honesty, though it pains me so. Please look after Remus. I don't know what he's going to do without somebody to watch over him. Please don't be hard on the guy. He loves you very much and just wants to share the stage with you.

Patton- I wish I had been part of your famILY, but I know you'd never want me. I'm revolting. And we're opposites, after all. You had every right to hate me. I don't have much to say to you, Patton, except that I know you'll protect Thomas from all the sins I've influenced him into in the past. Best of luck.

Remus- I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. I always hoped you were the one person left who actually liked me. Than you for sticking with me until the end, best friend. I didn't deserve your company.

Virgil- It hurts me to write to you the most, I think. I've hoped you would come back to the dark sides. From the second you left, I hoped. I know you hate me, you've told me as much, but I just wanted to let you know that I could never hate you, Virgil. You were my best friend that I ever had, and I'm glad you're happy with the 'light' sides.

Thomas- ... I hope I didn't hurt you too much, Thomas. You're a good person, and I'm sorry if I ever made you question that. You are very deserving of that title.

I'm sorry for wasting your time. Have a nice life.

Sincerely,

Deceit

The suicidal side dropped the pen. He wanted to write more, but his hands wouldn't stop shaking. That was enough, he thought. They probably wouldn't even read it all. It didn't matter. Deceit sat stiffly at his desk, alone with his paralyzing thoughts. He wanted to get up and just get it over with, but he just couldn't find the strength to. He tried to move, but for the life of him, he couldn't.

So, he just sat.

Deceit sat, alone as always, with nothing but his thoughts, letters, and his pet snake. Poor snake, Deceit mused. Hopefully, somebody had would remember to feed her. Deceit wished he had included this instruction in the note, but he looked back at the papers and found it was full. It was a pitiful sight, he knew. If one of the other sides walked in, he was sure they would just laugh at him and to tell him to stop being lazy. He was side after all. He had obligations, responsibilities... or at least he should have. It doesn't matter anyway, not now. It will never matter again. His anxiety spiked at the thought alone. He knew it probably wasn't right that they would laugh, that it was perhaps just him being stupid, but it still was agonizing to think about it.

Deceit slowly stood up from his chair, a blank look on his face. he glanced in the mirror. His eyes were so lifeless, Deceit mused, in his madness, that perhaps he was already dead. He stepped away from his desk, folding up the letter. His whole body was sore, and his legs felt numb. How long had he even been sitting there, just spiraling in his own self-depreciation?

Deceit unbuttoned his jacket. Was it hot, or just him? Deceit could hear his heartbeat began to rise again. Time to get this done. There is no time better than this. And with that, Deceit left his room, paper in hand, and made his way to the dining room.

Deceit set the note on the table and was just turning around to heave when a voice spoke up behind him. "Hey, kiddo! What's the paper for?"


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same story, New chapter lads

Deceit spun around, looking through the doorway to the kitchen. Patton was standing there, a bowl of cake batter in hand, a worried smile on his lips. "You have such nice hair, Deceit. It's a shame you wear that hat so much. Nice outfit change."

Deceit's throat was dry, and his voice was a bit raspy when he tried to speak, like a nest of scorpions had clogged his airway. "T-thanks." He moved the leave, but Patton caught his arm.

"Are you alright, kiddo? You've seemed kinda down lately."

Why was he acting like he cared all of a sudden? Deceit thought. He doesn't- he couldn't actually care, could he? Deceit's heart soared in a glimmer of hope. Maybe I won't do it today- The dishonest side's lip quivered, he opened his mouth the speak, to spill his feelings...

Just then, Roman ran into the kitchen. Deceit yanked his arm out of Patton's grasp as Roman went up to the moral side, dipping his fingers in the bowl of cake batter. Patton was distracted. "Roman! Can't you wait for the actual cake!?" Roman laughed, turning around a roughly pushing past Deceit, going to the dining room table. He pulled his sword and sheath off of his belt and tossed it on the table with a loud thud. 

"A Prince does not place his weapons on the table!" Patton chastised, his tone playfully mocking the Scottish Disney Queen Eleanor from Brave.

Roman laughed, sitting down dramatically. He picked up the folded note. No, Deceit panicked. Not now. Please, don't read it. Instead, the creative side held up the folded sheet, eyeing Deceit. "This yours, snake-face?"

Deceit reached out to take it, only able to shake his head wildly. But Roman pulled it away from him. The creative side ripped it in half and tossed it back at the liar, not bothering to look at it. "Than don't leave it on the table." He insisted. 

Deceit bit his lip so hard it bled, just in trying to hold back tears. I was right. They don't give a damn. Who was I kidding, even thinking for a second that they would? Deceit ran his fingers through his hair, clutching the papers to his chest. But nobody noticed. He began to fall back towards the door, turning quickly to leave. He had already started to allow tears to fall. 

Of course, then he ran straight into Logan. "Sweet Crofters!" Logan exclaimed, pushing his glasses up on his nose and straightening his shirt. Then he looked at Deceit, who was hurriedly wiping his eyes. "Deceit, you appear to be upset. What-"

"I'm fine, Logic. Like you care. Here, just- just take this." He stammered, shoving the ripped up page into the other side's surprised arms. "Bye. See you later." Deceit murmured, falling upon a liar's habit once again, pushing past Logan and leaving the room.

That's enough stalling. Deceit thought. We can't get off track. It'll only hurt more. You saw just how much attention they paid you. Deceit stumbled along the long hallways, finding himself numbly wandering back into the dark sides' hall. He stopped outside a door. It was green, the paint peeling; some type of blood had been used to write ReMuS' RoOm COmE oN IN! This will only make it more difficult, Deceit thought. But he had to see his friend one last time. He couldn't just die and never see his friend again. 

He lifted a trembling hand to the doorframe, rapping his knuckles softly. A second later, he heard the voice within call, "Come In!" Deceit opened the door and entered the room. It was a mess, a slaughterhouse, and a costume cabinet mixed. Remus was sitting on the bed, drawing in a coloring book. He glanced towards the door, and his eyes lit up. 'Dee! Good to see you! What's up?"

Deceit felt something drip onto his forehead, and he reached up and wiped it off. Another drop fell onto him, and he looked up at the ceiling. "A pig carcass?" Remus had nailed a rotting pig to his ceiling.

"That's exactly what's up!" Remus cackled, picking up an orange crayon and returned to furiously scribbling on the coloring book. 

"How tasteful," the liar said absent-mindedly. He was regretting every moment he spent here, but couldn't bring himself to leave. No matter how hard he tried, he was frozen. He felt like he was on fire, being torn in half. He didn't want to leave the somewhat sycophant sadist that he cared so much for, but he had made up his mind.

"So Dee, whatcha want?" Remus asked, continuing to work at his coloring book.

Deceit forced himself to speak, despite the burning. "I- err, well, I mean, see Remus..." Remus looked up, raising an eyebrow. Deceit was always so good with words. He knew something was off. Deceit gulped. "It's nothing, nevermind."

Remus folded his coloring book closed, giving his friend his whole attention. "Are you saying 'nothing, nevermind' like your lying, or are you being honest with me?" 

Deceit sucked on his bloody lip. "I'm fine. I've got to go. Bye, Remus." He smiled softly, hoping it would reassure his friend, and turned and left the room. As soon as he was out in the hall with the door closed quickly behind him so that Remus wouldn't say anything else, he took off running. 

He just kept running, pushing through tears as he ran, somewhere, anywhere. It wasn't until his sorrow so blinded him that he tripped over his own feet, falling to his knees like a sack of potatoes to the floor. He pushed himself up against the wall, whimpering like a child. He laid his head on his knees. Don't stay here; your room is close by. What would the other's say if they saw you like this? Deceit sniffled, rubbing his nose. 

He pushed himself to his feet, staggered into his room, and locked the door. He didn't want anyone to come in. Not that he thought anybody would ever want to. Deceit took a few steps before he became weak at the knees in his numbness, clutching the side of his dresser and gazing into the mirror one again. He was surprised to see just how much pain was relayed in his eyes. Hatred, regret, panic. It was all that was left him his sunken, serpentine eyes as portrayed in that dirty, broken mirror. He looked around the room. Not a great place to die, he thought, but it will have to do.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the third chapter.

Virgil went into the kitchen. It was a warm evening, so he had left his hoodie unzipped. Virgil smelled cake and sighed in bliss; he loved the benefits of no longer being a dark side. He slunk down into one of the seats at the table. Roman and Patton were chattering away, as Patton baked, and Roman cleaned his sword. Logan was sitting across from him, staring at a folded up, torn sheet of paper in his hands with a deep frown. 

"What's up, Logan?" Virgil asked, taking off his headphones so he could hear why Logan was so ill at ease. 

Logan tore his gaze away from the paper. "Just four-point-five-six-two-nine-eight minutes ago, Deceit ran into me when leaving the dining room. He appeared to be very upset. He shoved this paper into my hands. I am concerned as to its contents."

"What's it say?" Roman asked, glancing over.

"That's just it. I don't know; I have not opened it. I am contemplating whether or not this is some vile trick he is attempting to pull on me, or something else."

Roman shook his head. "Logan, this shouldn't be a difficult decision. Just throw it out! It's not like he could have anything that important to tell us."

Patton gave Roman a look. "Hey, he is just as much a side as we are, kiddos, and don't go forgettin' it. I think you should read it. I mean, how bad could it be, really?" 

"Poison," Roman said instantly. 

"Blackmail," said Logan at the same time.

"pictures of Thomas' Aunt Patty naked?" Virgil mused as well.

Patton scrunched up his nose. "C'mon, guys. If he was upset when he gave it to you, maybe we should have a little more compassion?"

"You want me to show compassion to snake face?" Roman half-laughed. "Sorry, not gonna happen. He's so... freaky. And he's a bad influence of Thomas, after all. No dark side is getting compassion from me."

Before anyone else could respond, Virgil spoke in a soft voice. "Well, you were compassionate with me."

Roman didn't respond. He set down his sword and crossed his arms and legs. "All right, Lo. Read away." He said with a shrug.

Logan opened the torn pare with care, and held them together. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, clearing his throat. "Dear Sides and Thomas-," he began.

Virgil stopped him. "Should we get Thomas in here if it's addressed to him?"

"I'll get him!" Said Patton, setting down his oven mitts and sinking out. Less than a second later, he showed back up, towing a perplexed looking Thomas.

"Woah, we're in my head?" Thomas asked, looking around. Roman nodded. "Why am I here? I was at the park..."

Logan fixed his tie. "We are worried about Deceit. He had been acting strangely, as of late. Six-point- three- seven-two-"

"I think we get it, Logan!" Virgil hurried to interrupt. "A few minutes ago. Gotcha. We're gonna read what he has to say, and it's addressed to you, as well as us."

"To me?" Thomas asked, taking a seat. "what's it say?"

Roman rolled his eyes. "We would know already if Logan would stop stopping."

Logan frowned. "If I recall, we spent quite a bit of time trying to convince you to spare a few minutes of your attention on this. You can't possibly blame-"

Suddenly, Remus popped into the room, startling Virgil. "Hey, have you guys seen Deceit? He just showed up in my room to say somthin' but ran away before he told me. I'm worried."

Roman sighed dramatically, grabbing his brother's sleeve and yanking him into the seat next to his. "We're gonna read a letter from Deceit." Thomas sat beside Virgil, and Patton leaned on the back of Logan's chair, where he had quick access to the kitchen in case his cake burned. 

Logan looked around the room and began again. "Dear Sides and Thomas,

I'm a disgrace. I have tried so hard to fix your problems and fit in, Thomas. Just like the other sides. But they're all so... good at it. They make you, you. I'm Deceit. I'm rotten, and all my presence in your life has proven that I'm only hurting you. There's nothing for me here; I'm just a waste of space, some wretched fragment of your mind you clearly don't want. So, I guess I'm cutting myself out of the picture." Logan faltered, taking a sharp breath. It took him a second to get over his shock before he quietly said the next line. " I'm 'Committing suicide,' if you'll let me be so blunt as the call it that."

Remus gripped the table tightly, his eyes filled with panic. He was frozen, looking as if he had just been shot. Patton gasped, covering his mouth with his hands. Roman's posture was that of a beaten prisoner of war, a haze of surprise over his eyes. Thomas's mouth hung open. He tried to speak, but he couldn't seem to find anything to say. Virgil was the calmest. He jumped up, taking long strides toward the door. "Is... is that all?" Roman finally managed to ask. Logan told him no. Virgil froze in his position, half out the door. 

Logan took a deep breath and began again. "I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time. You probably won't even see this until after I'm gone, anyway, and even then, I don't think it'll matter to you. I know how much you hate me. Trust me, I...I hate myself just as much, if not more." Logan was stuttering, his voice tripping over words as he sped up. "But whatever, I just wanted to say goodbye to each of you."

"Logan-," His voice cracked as he read his own name, the first on the list. "I did enjoy discussing philosophy with you, even though it was always competitive. I trust in you to make sure nothing bad happens after I'm gone. You're the smart guy, after all. I have high hopes for Thomas, and I know you'll get him places I never could." Logan was not an emotional side. He should have been able to continue. But he felt something painful in his chest, a stinging in his eyes. He tried to form the next sentence, but he couldn't. Virgil stepped over and gently took it from his hands, much to Logan's relief. He slid his fingers through his hair and picked up where the logical side had left off. 

"Roman," he read, causing the light-creative side the flinch. "I wish we could have acted more together. You're a great person, and I say it with all intended honesty, though it pains me so. Please look after Remus. I don't know what he's going to do without somebody to watch over him. Please don't be hard on the guy. He loves you very much and just wants to share the stage with you." Roman took a deep breath, trying to keep his cool. He slid his hand into Remus', who was still frozen like his mind had been shut off. 

Virgil kept going. "Patton, I wish I had been part of your famILY, but I know you'd never want me. I'm revolting. And we're opposites, after all. Patton, you had every right to hate me. I don't have much to say to you, except that I know you'll protect Thomas from all the sins I've influenced him into committing in the past. Best of luck." He was going to continue on, but Patton began to cry.

"Oh, that p-poor slimy baby!" He cried, and Logan reached up and hugged him.

Remus finally looked up, somehow knowing he was next. His lip was quivering, and he tightened his grip on Roman's hand."Remus, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. I always hoped you were the one person left who actually liked me. Thank you for sticking with me until the end, best friend. I didn't deserve your company."

Thomas was still trying to form words, but Virgil trudged on. Almost to the end, he told himself. "Virgil, It hurts me to write to you the most, I think. I've hoped you would come back to the dark sides. From the second you left, I hoped. I know you hate me, you've told me as much, but I just wanted to let you know that I could never hate you, Virgil. You were my best friend that I ever had, and I'm glad you're happy with the 'light' sides." He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, but did not stop. He couldn't stop. Just a few more sentences.

"Thomas," Virgil read. Thomas was beginning to look kind of panicked. Virgil was trying harder than he had ever worked to stay calm, to keep Thomas calm, but he felt his chest begin to constrict. "...I hope I didn't hurt you too much, Thomas. You're a good person, and I'm sorry if I ever made you question that. You are very deserving of that title. I'm sorry for wasting your time, everyone. Have a nice life. Sincerely, Deceit."

He looked up at the group, setting down the note that he had been clutching so hard his knuckles had gone white. And then he raced from the room. Roman and Logan jumped up and sped after him. Thomas shook himself out of the daze he was in, helping Patton up and leading him from the room. 

Remus sat at the table for a moment, still as stone. He reached over, grabbing the note and re-reading the part dedicated to himself. "Oh, Dee, how did I not notice?" He whispered to the paper, rubbing his eyes. "How did I not see just how broken you were?" He stood up, tucking the note away, and ran into the kitchen, towards his own secret short cut to the dark sides hall. "Please let me save him," he muttered in prayer as he left the room. "Please don't let me be too late."


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the... *squints at writing on hand* Forf chapter.

Deceit was shaking. His hands were trembling as he ripped off his gloves, tossing them down. He took off his jacket, leaving him in a crisp black button-up shirt. He unbuttoned the first few buttons from the throat, trying to get more air. He was struggling to take full breaths; his heart speeding up as if it hoped to fulfill a lifetime of beats in the next few moments. Deceit rolled up his sleeves, wincing when he saw the numerous fresh-wounds and scars upon his arms. He brushed his hair back with his hands. 

"You have such nice hair, Deceit," Patton's voice echoed in his head. Deceit decided not to dwell on that. Patton was full of compliments. He didn't necessarily mean them.

Deceit waved his hands, summoning a handgun and ammunition. He could hardly manage to load it, the shudders were so intense. When he finally managed to accomplish this, he stood, gun in hand, in front of the mirror one last time. He could hardly stand to look at his scales anymore. He was a monster. What relief it would be to the others to have him gone! Deceit turned away from the mirror, walking to the center of the room.

He was ashamed that he had begun to sob, tears staining his face. He slowly lifted the gun up, turning off the safety. His brain was on fire- so much pain. His mind raced, it was all so much. His heartbeat was loud in his ears, his head aching from the pressure. "On three," Deceit whispered aloud, his numb arms bringing the gun up close.

"One," He tucked the muzzle into his mouth, aiming upwards into his skull. Why am I doing this? I don't want to die! He thought, almost taking the gun out of his mouth. But then his answer came to him. By being around, I'm hurting Thomas and the others. I can't go anywhere else, and as long as I exist in Thomas, I'll hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt anyone. I never have. If only I could just check out as Virgil did! But as the most dominate dark side, he knew that was impossible. His grip on Thomas was too strong. The only way out was to...

"t-two," Deceit whined. To die. I have to die. But I'll miss things. I'll miss Remus, of course. And Virgil, and Thomas, and Patton, and Logan, and even Roman. I'll miss my snake. I'll never see another sunrise or one of Thomas's birthdays. I'll never see his acting career, or meet the person he marries if he does. I'll never eat another slice of Patton's cake, or do a skit with Roman, or read a philosophy book to discuss with Logan. I'll never help Remus get unstuck from the Dinning room chairs again. I'll never help Virgil with his panic attacks again- Deceit realized with a pang that Virgil hadn't even come to him in years. I've already lost that. Just by being a dark side. He goes to Roman, or Patton, or Logan now. Not me. Because he... he hates me. If all the people I love- excluding Remus, of course- hate me to their core, hate me for doing my job, think Thomas would be better without me... is their really anything left for me to live for? There can't be. I don't want to die. I just- I just need the pain to stop.

Everything froze again. Things got quiet. His hands became still. And for a second, he was calm. Welcome to the end, Deceit, he told himself.

"three-"


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the last one ya'll.

He froze. There was a pounding on the door. Somebody was screaming. Deceit couldn't hear the words, his panic taking over. It got louder, and something began slamming into the door. Deceit hesitated, just for a moment.

******************************************************************************************

Remus sprinted down the hallway, cursing his deodorant and roadkill diet for his speed. The shortcut had gotten him a few minutes farther than the others, whom he could almost hear racing down the stairwell that lead to the dark-sides hall. He skidded to a halt when he got to the door of his friend's bedroom. Remus tried the doorknob, but it was locked. He could hear sobbing from within. Gross, messy, heavy sobbing. And then suddenly, it stopped.

"Deceit!" He yelled, banging on the door. "Deceit! Let me in! Please! Let's talk, ok?" There was no answer. "Deceit!" he pleaded, tears forming in his eyes. Then he got an idea. He ran around the corner to his own room, grabbing the fire-extinguisher of the wall Logan had insisted they install. He ran back and began to hit the wood of the door, near the lock with the back end of it. The others came around the corner, Virgil still in the lead, and got to Remus just as he split and broke the trim, forcing the door open. 

Deceit was standing in the middle of the room, the muzzle of a revolver pointed in his mouth. He saw them, his wet eyes filled with surprise. He was shaking with poorly suppressed sobs; his shoulders slumped; his confidence, the person the other sides had thought they knew, was gone. Who could have known that the biggest lie Deceit was keeping was that he wasn't ok?

The group stood utterly still in the doorway. Neither the sides and Thomas nor Deceit moved; both parties were unsure of what to do. Finally, Deceit spoke quietly, bringing the gun out of his mouth so he would be understood "You- You may want to leave. I'd... I'd hate for you to see this," he took a step back. 

"What are you doing? Stop!" Roman half-yelled. Deceit moved farther away, like a scared, beaten animal.

"Just shut up, Roman!" Remus and Virgil said at the same time. Virgil would've glared at the dark side, but decided it wasn't the time.

Patton, from the back, pushed forward. Thomas and Logan grabbed his arms. "Deceit! Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me! I want to go and give him a hug! Show him that his note was wrong!"

"Wrong?" Deceit stuttered, his legs shaking. He was a leaf in autumn, about to fall from the branches of an old tree in the harsh evening wind.

"Give him a little breathing room, Patton." Said Logan softly.

"Dee?" Remus asked, stepping forward. "Dee, don't do this. I am begging you. Please."

Deceit shuddered and tugged himself away from Remus's outstretched, surrendered arms. "I- I don't know how to stop. Everything's so... so numb. I feel like my head is going to b-burst." Remus dropped his arms, glancing around helplessly. 

"Just set down the gun, Deceit," Roman asked, trying and failing to be helpful. "That's the first step to stopping, isn't it?"

Deceit shook his head wildly, his eyes closed tightly, his uneven breathy sobs the only noise you could really hear in the room. Virgil shook his head solemnly, Roman rolled his eyes. What am I supposed to say here, Virge? His body language seemed to ask.

Deceit suddenly collapsed, his knees giving out as he fell to the ground. Logan and Roman managed to catch him somewhat, but Logan warded Roman against trying to take the gun from him by force. "It will only make things worse!" He said when Roman inquired why not. Then they stood back, trying to follow Logan's own suggestion to give him some air. 

Logan leaned over to Thomas, lowering the volume of his voice. "He is a very lightweight man. I don't believe he's been eating properly, as of late." Thomas bit his lip. He didn't know how to respond.

Virgil wordlessly sat down, crossing his legs, about two yards from Deceit. Remus followed suit. The others loitered awkwardly, unsure what to do. "Hey," Virgil said in a cautious but firm voice. "Can I talk to you?" 

Deceit nodded; he couldn't form words. "Ok. Would you mind setting the gun down so we can have a discussion?"

The liar shook his head, pinching his eyes closed. Patton began to reach out, to comfort him but managed to stop himself. "That's alright. You know we don't want to force you. We want to help you, Ethan. Will you let me?" Deceit flinched when he heard his real name. Remus looked over at Virgil with a frown, as if he didn't like the choice to expose their friend in his vulnerable state. Roman and Thomas glanced at each other, silently expressing their silent surprise.

Deceit didn't answer at first. Finally, he managed to open his eyes, looking at Virgil at Remus. Remus cleared his throat. "Err... I know you left a note and all that, but can you tell us why you want to kill yourself? Is it us? Or is it something else?"

Deceit tried to slow his breathing but ended up getting worse. Between gasps, he attempted to speak. "I... Don't want to... kill... myself. But... I came to realize... that...I... am only... harming... Thomas. And... All of you... hate me... but that's ok... I hate me too." He stopped, closing his eyes again. "V-Virgil," he groaned. The anxious side perked up. "I-I seem... to be having... a... panic attack."

Virgil decided to risk it and got up. He walked cautiously over to Deceit, kneeling down beside the other side. He slowly placed his hand on the other man's shoulder and began to speak to him quietly. "It's alright. Let's work on your breathing. That'll help. You know it will be a lot easier to breathe if you get that gun away from your face." Deceit slowly, gripping the magazine of the gun very tightly, brought the gun a little further away. Finally, he managed to hold it in his lap. "There you go. It's okay. Can you breathe in for four seconds for me?"

Deceit managed to do as he was told. "Now, will you try and hold it for seven seconds?"

Deceit managed to hold it for about three before his lungs disagreed with him, and he began to cough and choke from the pressure. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I can't... I just can't, I'm sorry. I'm-"

Virgil hushed him patiently. "Hey, it's fine. You don't need to apologize. You've done nothing wrong. I have as much time as you need. Let's try again." It took about 12 minutes for Virgil to calm Deceit down a little. At that time, the others had come to sit around Deceit, making a circle. Roman went to Virgil's side, And Remus sat beside him. Logan sat next to Remus, Patton, on his other hand. It was Thomas who took the place on the other side of Deceit. Finally, when the liar had managed to get in several steady breaths, Virgil spoke. "Good job, Ethan!" He quietly praised.

Thomas composed himself. "About the note, Deceit. We had no idea you felt this way." Deceit couldn't meet Thomas's eyes; all he could do was stare at the gun in his lap.

"We would like to speak to you regarding the note you left for us," Logan said, pulling at his collar.

"Yeah! Deceit, we don't hate you! Why would you think-" Patton began, but Roman rubbed his face with his hands.

"Oh no," Roman groaned. "Deceit, was this my fault? I didn't mean to hurt you like this! I'm sorry I called you snake-face all the time, and for tearing up your note, and for... well... I didn't know how much I was affecting you, and-"

"No, no, no!" Deceit whispered. He fidgeted, avoiding making eye contact with anyone. As he spoke, he picked at the scabs on his arms. Patton whimpered when he noticed. "That's not- Roman, It's not your fault, not really. It's my fault. I... I hate myself because I'm a monster. I hate the way I look; I hate my body. I hate that I'm hurting Thomas. I hate that I drove Virgil away from the dark sides. I hate that I AM a dark side. I-I..." He stopped, trying not to get to worked up again. "My very existence is a bane for all of you. Our purpose is the help Thomas, but... but I'm evil. How could you not hate me?"

Thomas tilted his head down, trying to make eye-contact with the dark side. "Deceit-err... Ethan, You are not hurting me. If anything, I'm a better person because of you. I am not a perfect person. You showing up in my life may have made my life a bit more chaotic, or difficult, but how can I be human without you? Lying is a part of life, and I never want to hurt people. Sometimes that means that I have to tell them Listening to you sometimes could probably be beneficial. Nobody hates you."

Deceit didn't know what to say. "All this time- the name-calling- the criminalizing- how can that be true? I'm no less of a side then the lot of you, but you've always treated me- treated us- he said, eyeing Remus and Virgil carefully. "Like we were nothing but toxic."

Deceit sat still for a while, staring at his lap. Logan began to say something, but he broke off when he realized that Deceit wasn't listening. "Ethan?" Patton asked, his voice quivering a little. He reached around Thomas and put his hand on Deceit's shoulder. He shuddered slightly at Patton's touch, seemingly about to pull away when he caught sight of Patton's eyes. They were a little red-rimmed from crying, but they were full of nothing but love. You may think you have to be the bad guy," Patton said softly. "But you've never been one to us. We love you. I'm sorry you didn't feel like part of my famILY. You deserve it too." This caused Deceit- though he would never admit it, to gasp. 

His lips quivered, his eyes tearing up. He glanced back at the gun a final time as if saying goodbye to it before picking it up and throwing it across the room. Thomas and Patton yelped, Virgil covered his ears in case it went off like you see it do in the movies. But it didn't. It hit the wall, leaving a deep chip. Then, he launched himself into Patton's arms. 

He wept and babbled like a child, begging forgiveness as he pressed his face into the Moral sides shirt. Patton spoke kindly to him, sliding his fingers through the other side's hair. Remus got up and walked over, kneeling down awkwardly beside the two. "Can I- uhm..." He flushed pinkish, and Deceit used his free arm to grab Remus by his sash and pull him into the hug as well. Patton reached and pulled Thomas over, who had already been debating whether or not it would be appropriate to hug him back. Then he gave a hard look to Roman and Logan. Get over here, or I will be crushed forever, and ever, his eyes said. Reluctantly, they joined in as well.

******************************************************************************************

Virgil sat just out of reach. 'I hate my body. I hate that I'm hurting Thomas. I hate that I drove Virgil away from the dark sides. I hate that I AM a dark side,' Deceit had told the anxious side. Virgil and Deceit had been each others' famILY for a long time before he had decided he couldn't take the tribulations that came of being 'dark' anymore. Apparently, neither could Deceit. Virgil bit his lip, sighing deeply.

It had terrified him that he had been the one to calm Deceit down. That he had helped the liar rethink suicide when Deceit had been the one to teach him the breathing exercises in the first place, oh so long ago. It scared him that he was one of the reasons Deceit had even wanted to kill himself. But what really hurt him the most, what brought his heart rate skyrocketing up- was that he had had no idea that Deceit was hurting so badly. That every word he had thrown at the liar in the last three years since becoming 'light.' had left scars, some that he could see on Deceit's wrists, and others that only appeared on his heart. 

Even if Virgil was past the bad days now, he wasn't going to watch his old friend go through them- ever again if he could help it. He weaved himself into the pile beside Remus, pressing himself into Deceit's side. They made eye contact, and the smallest flicker of a smile played on Deceit's lips. "Thank you," he whispered.

This wasn't going to be the end. They had a long way to go to make Deceit whole again if they ever fully could. But this was it.

Thank you.

Everything will be okay.


End file.
